Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize