Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
