No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Watching her eat just hurts me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
