if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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