i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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