in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
