So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize