are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
