And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
