I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
