I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
