i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
