am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
