the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No I am not eating basil off your cock
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
