you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize