we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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