one two three fourrrrnication!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
