nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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