New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
