still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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