I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
