I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
