If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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