i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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