at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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