I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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