Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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