Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
