I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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