everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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