Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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