Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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