Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
