I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
