Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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