Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I bet he comes in French.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
