i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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