I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
