Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
