so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
