My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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