No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
