What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
