Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I am one with the molecules
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
