You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
