Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
