a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
