i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
