so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
