By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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