I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
