Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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