There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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