we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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