Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
