Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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