Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
