Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
