I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize