Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
